“Lord, how do I raise my children?
How do you want me to raise them”
Have you asked these questions?Friend, I have. In this age of Body Image struggles and Identity crises, a Godly guidance is required.
Ever heard these lies?
‘You are not good enough’,
‘You are not beautiful’,
‘You can’t fit in’?
I have heard them! Even as a teen these words echoed loudly in words and actions.
I am privileged to counsel and converse with girls and moms who wear those shoes. I know how it hurts. Like these women, I been there.
Many identity and self worth issues begin during teen years. Then sips into adulthood eventually as wives and now, as moms we ask how we got here.
Just in case, it is not enough to say..’You are beautiful’. It barely scratches the surface of the issue.
Surprisingly, If more moms can find healing themselves, then our daughters will have more confidence in who they are. Truth is, a mom who is in-secured will unknowingly pass her fears, insecurity and lack to her girl-child.
There are at least 10 Questions I will like you to consider before we go deeply into our study. Sign up here for this study.
Have you found healing as a mom?
Leah battled with her insecurities. Her desire to please and appeal to her man. Dana thought to go see the land. Do you notice a slip?
Perhaps if moms would have some time like Naomi had with Ruth.
May be that would have made a difference.
Some of us have been through bullying, rape, emotional and physical battery. In fact, more moms live with un-forgiveness, buried anger, wounded hearts. Holding on to the bruises of the past.
It is about time we took the high road.
We can’t raise a godly generation if we don’t allow Jesus to heal us.
It is time for us all to walk and work out of our fears and insecurities and be moms our girls need.
Do you constantly seek external validation?
I know that rumbling in your stomach as you change into different underwears unsatisfied, turn the wardrobe upside down, endless and fruitless window shopping, seeking outfits that attenuates the curves and may be boost your confidence.
You know what I mean don’t yah?
When all these teen changes begin to occur, it becomes harder to accept body changes. Body image struggle ensues.
As a teen girl, those body changes felt more awkward as each day passes. The freckles didn’t help either. But added to a heightened sense of self awareness. That was me!
I would stare at the mirror helplessly begging it to speak back and nod it’s head in affirmation.
I had friends who had it! The curves, the attention from the opposite sex, flaunting of praises, flirty looks.
Halt! Do you see how frustrating it is chasing after human approval?
It is in seeking human approval we walk blindly into the corridors of harm and needless errors.
Are you a Content Woman?
And no I wasn’t content! ‘Perhaps, the right amount of fat in some places would do it’ I said to myself.
The negative self talk that came from a needy teen.
Our kids learn by watching us.
If you always clamor for more, or you thrive on excess, you demonstrate your insecurities through your thirst for more. More money, more antiques, embellishments, jewelries etc. Do you see the underlining factor? It is the craving for ‘more’.
More young girls will achieve more when they learn to be content and appreciative.
How do you define beauty? I have respect for Heather Creekmore who shares her story in this life changing book, Compared to Who? In this book she brings to light the concept of beauty and body image and how these impacts our lives.
Buy a copy >>HERE<<
Shhshhh a secret for only you: There will be a FB live interview with Heather later in the Month so be on the look out for the date and time, ok?
One mom walked in during the party. Her girls wore tight bum-shorts. Their bums were well rounded. You could literally touch the disdain and disapproval on other moms faces.
The Side talks and whispering. The eyes moved faster than the lips.
Quickly bringing to mind a similar encounter I had HERE.
Women who reveal more are probably more needy than we know.
May be she wanted her girls to have an effect on the party. I can’t tell.
Gal, we do hit road blocks every time we try to impress others.
The innocent girls did not know why they were at the center. But mom was struggling!
What does beauty mean to you? What is True beauty?
Please reinforce thoughtful responses and give concrete definitions of beauty to your kids. Teach your girls that true beauty lies within.
True beauty is more than facial, tight curves, catwalks and fancy dresses.
Let’s teach our girls to see themselves beyond the reflection of the mirror.
Let your girls know they are worth more than physiques or objects of sexual comfort or tools for temporary admiration.
Do you value Modesty? You will agree with me that lines have become blurred. The goalpost has shifted several times and sadly, will continue to move in this dying world.
Do you see how hard it is has become lately to give honest and transparent answers regading Biblical Modesty?
I mean real modesty in appearance, style, conversations, possessions, pursuits… in every way possible.
Please teach our children to carry themselves with poised value to be treasured, Humble in heart, Strong and Courageous.
It is to up to us to show them the value of modesty in a world where it is become archaic.
Are you quick to see Flaws or Gifts?
As parents we choose to focus on individual gifts and strengths. We can teach our kids to place value on ‘who’ rather than ‘what’.
We should encourage our children to express their God-given gifts.
Let’s teach them to place value on people, attitudes, life skills and growth instead of keeping up with appearances.
Let’s help them develop interests of personal and social benefits including music, sports etc or commit to Life changing-causes.
Are you supportive or destructive?
Mordecai created an atmosphere for Esther to be ‘brought up’. Some moms create the opposite effect. Many unknowingly create environment for kids to be ‘brought down’.
Every child will thrive in a supportive environment.
We can start by encouraging and supporting little steps they take towards achieving their dreams.
Find ways to engage their minds to explore meaningful projects.
With hands busy, the mind is free from idleness.
Do you play well with others?
Esther was with other ladies just like herself. Notice Mordecai had no business trying to swing things his way.
There was no scheming in between. I presume many moms would rather place phone calls, draft messages, send gifts flying across the room and all that manipulation to get their daughters noticed! In a bid to earn the judges or Kings favor.
But Mordecai knew He had done his job bringing up a daughter fit for the king.
Dear moms shall we avoid unnecessary and unhealthy comparisons with other kids and moms.
You may lose your child’s heart when you drive them hard to be like others.
Encourage sportsmanship. Teach your children to be sincerely happy for their peers without letting them treat their friends as competition to beaten.
Choose to encourage hard work and dedication instead.
Encourage your kids to grow Meaningful friendships and learn to keep them.
Do you fear God? Perhaps this should be at the top of this post, right?
I want to raise up my kids as an Esther, a Joshua, a Joseph but it is impossible without God.
His grace makes it possible.
So I turn the question around and ask myself
“Do I love God?”
“Do I fear God?”
“Does my life reflect the God I call upon?”
We obviously can’t give what we don’t have.
Truth is, I make mistakes. I am flawed and with this flesh in constant battle with the Spirit, I need Jesus everyday, spirit, soul and body.
I know it is the same for you, dear mom.
But like Joshua, can we declare, I and my children are for signs and wonders?
It is the fear of God in our hearts that makes us desire Godly Children. We know how important it is that our kids walk in the Fear of God.
Above everything else let’s teach them to grow spiritually by doing so ourselves. With God at the center, life is meaningful.
Would you let God teach you?
That for me is the tough part. To let God lay us straight, stretch our hearts, mold us and teach us His ways. Teaching us His ways means we surrender wholeheartedly to His Will.
We run around desiring to bring up children but we fail to realize we need to learn from the one who gave them to us in the first place.