7 Red-flags Your Premarital Counselling Will Show You

With the alarming rate of divorce, separations within the Christian faith, I wonder if there is something we are missing?
Is our generation departing from Godly principles to go the way of the world?
Is there anything like a peaceful home?
Many more questions like these abound in my heart and also in the heart of those who care for ‘God’s Family’. While growing up, I have always longed for a home filled with love and peace of God. This desire made me seek God’s face early with prayers concerning marriage.
Truthfully, ‘no good marriage exists without work’. It starts from praying up our hearts to live as Godly wives to praying for godly husbands, to praying to live in peace as married people. Young single sisters calearn from godly matured married women who genuine live out their faith even in marriage. We need more women telling the truth of God’s Word to our single ladies. Likewise having godly married men mentor our young men through the Word.

Why do you need a marriage counselor?

You and your spouse are separate entities with different backgrounds and home training, different taste of life and at different spiritual maturity.
You need a spiritually matured counselor to guide you through the overwhelming experience of getting married and more importantly, staying married.
Also many singles hold achievable expectations of their spouses and of marriage Perhaps you have set unrealistic expectations for marriage (which leads to frustrations) would help you through setting godly and realistic expectations without undermining your desire for a happy home.
A counselor can open your eyes to potential red flags just before you say I do. There may be more but below are seven common red-flags:
1.     Freedom from past hurtful relationships. We all carry baggage from our past. It
is a time to revisit key issues that could potentially disorganize your home. Past fears and failures may pose a hindrance to a peaceful home.
2.     Parental issues. For the most part, your parents’ lives influence your view on marriage.
Are you from a broken home? You have to prayerfully break the holds and vestige of your past. Believe strongly that God can make your new home different as you prayerfully work it out.
3.     Secret sins. Pornography is a secret sin both or one of the intended spouses may be guilty of. Alarming but true, porn addiction is demonic and freedom can be achieved by breaking the hold through prayers, fasting and the Word of God. Dealing with these issues before marriage is advisable.
         Also included is, avoiding premarital sex (fornication). Your counselor will expose the dangers of defiling your bed just before you say “I DO”.
4.      Unrealistic marital expectations. Despite your desire to marry a good man, make sure your criteria is based on God’s words and not on your selfish desires. Disappointment, bitterness and an unfulfilled life may arise when we feel our spouses are falling short of our expectations.
5.    Parental consent. Like Abraham, many parents have desires about their kids. The reasons behind parental disagreements should be resolved and accompanied by prayers too. As hard as it sounds, often times our parents are right about our spouses. It is wisdom to hear their reasons for disapproval of our intended spouse. You may be surprised what they see.
6.    History of Abuse. Family history of abuse and violence are silent warnings. A believer can only prayerfully break these family histories that could resurface in their own homes. 
7.      Maturity. Marriage is not meant for boys and girls but for men and women willing and ready to commit their all into each other’s lives. A sound counselor is able to see when immaturity is expressed. This could be in form of selfishness, over the top view of life and marriage etc.
Today, I focus on counselling, for intended couples. This blog post is a part of a blog tour for Unveiled Wife Book. “When a writer takes a risk and steps out of her comfort zone, then she is willing and wholeheartedly prepared to impart lives for good”Read my review HEREDownload a free Copy of the First Chapter of The Unveiled Wife Book HERE.
I recommend you grab a copy of this amazing book.

Have you benefited from a counselor? Please encourage as many people with your kind comments.

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Donna Reidland March 5, 2015 - 2:03 pm

My husband and I taught the Pre-Marital Class at our church for many years and have done a great deal of pre-marital counseling. You are absolutely right … it is essential! We don't allow couples to marry at our church without it. Thanks for linking up at Mondays @ Soul Survival. Blessings!

IFEOMA SAMUEL March 6, 2015 - 11:23 am

Hello Donna, I am glad this list is in order. We take too many things for granted including Premarital Counselling.I hope many assemblies take it more seriously.

I appreciate your kind comments here.
God Bless

Terri Presser March 5, 2015 - 7:49 pm

Thank you for sharing this review with us at Good Morning Mondays. You are right marriage is for men and women and we should face that with Christ as the centre. Blessings.

IFEOMA SAMUEL March 6, 2015 - 11:24 am

Thank you Terri, marriage is enjoyable when both parties are better prepared to enter their future together.

Hazel Moon March 5, 2015 - 11:43 pm

A good marriage does need to be able to receive instruction, help and be willing to work it all out. Thanks for sharing with us here at tell me a story

IFEOMA SAMUEL March 6, 2015 - 11:25 am

You are right Hazel. 'No good marriage exists without work'.
Thank you for your comments here. They always encourage me.

Letetia Mullenix March 7, 2015 - 2:50 am

It is so important that potential spouses seek marriage counseling early in the courting process! Once emotions have been allowed to become established, it may hinder the believers ability or willingness to listen to the Holy Spirit about warning signals. Thank you for this great post!

IFEOMA SAMUEL March 9, 2015 - 10:30 am

Very True Counselling will save you from lots of head aches. Thank you Letetia and God Bless

JES March 7, 2015 - 10:02 am

There are so many separations in the church that it breaks the heart. This article is very timely. Thank you for sharing it on the Art of Home-Making Mondays!

IFEOMA SAMUEL March 9, 2015 - 7:02 am

You are right! The enemy has crept in and is diluting most of our fundamental beliefs.
God Bless

Michele March 7, 2015 - 6:56 pm

With a child entering this stage, I appreciate this sound advice. It is a beautiful time in life, but not one to be taken lightly!

IFEOMA SAMUEL March 9, 2015 - 7:03 am

Hi Michelle, I pray God guides your every decision in Jesus Name.
Thank you for taking time to read and leave a comment too.

Deborah March 10, 2015 - 2:22 am

A beautiful list for individuals (soon to be couples) to look over and prepare for. This is an excellent resource for many singles, and not many are taking time to aim articles at singles. Thank you for addressing this population in a loving and godly manner.

IFEOMA SAMUEL March 10, 2015 - 9:01 am

Thank you so much Deborah. It is high time we began to share genuine Christian marriage experiences so others can learn from them.
God Bless and thank you for your penning down your comments here. It is highly appreciated.

Rebekah March 12, 2015 - 2:26 am

Thank you for sharing these with us at Grace & Truth. Yes, our premarital counseling was well worth the time we put into it. God really used it to bless our relationship as a couple, and to strengthen our relationship with Him!

IFEOMA SAMUEL March 12, 2015 - 4:10 pm

Thank you for sharing your experience. It is very appreciated.
God Bless Rebekah

Tina at Mommynificent.com March 14, 2015 - 10:10 am

This is a great list! Very helpful. Thanks for being a part of Booknificent Thursday.

IFEOMA SAMUEL March 14, 2015 - 7:26 pm

Thank you Tina. I appreciate your kind comments


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